Full Circle Associates

Part 2 of Identity Blogging (I came in late!)
Panel: Heather Amrstrong, Ronni Bennett, Koan Bremner
Moderator: Jory Des Jardins
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After of blogging for18 months I learned more about me than the previous 62 years. An enormous benefit for everybody

Koan Bremner: establish your boundaries first. In terms of the benefits. When does it turn into narcissism. There is not a single post that I intended to … I write the blog for the other people going through the process I am going through. For every person who goes through successfully, there are hundreds more who are brutalized, beaten, ostracized or killed. I understand the unexpected benefit for me, but the intended benefit were for those other people., The biggest unexpected benefit is that I’m now proud to say that I’m a transgendered person. I was not ashamed, but now I’m proud. After getting involved in blogging and podcasting I became proud.

Ronni Bennett: I would always say how old I am. We’re not allowed in our culture to discuss age. Ageism society. I would always say. It is just not a big deal anymore. People who comment in my blog do to. This corner in our blogosphere things have changed.

Jory: Quoting Rosen, the world is not more tolerant, but more accommodating. Could you have written about your personal life 5 years ago?

Ronni Bennett: I tried 4.5 years ago, anonymously. I loved blogs. Wanted to be part of it. I was afraid to put me out there. This time around. (The old one was really bad) I made the decision to put me out there. I’m also a topic blogger. I talk about what it is like to get older. I can’t do that if I’m not honest about what I do.

Heather: 5 years ago there is no way a magazine would hire a stay at home mother to write about her constipation. And I get to do it everyday to a giant observation to fantastic feedback. There is going to be more voices and stories. I think it is thrilling.

Jen: (http://www.mommyneedscoffee.com) – Did you ever hesitate to share about your post partum depression. When I talked about being a recovering addict, I got lots of people criticizing.) Did you ever worry that it would make you worse.

Heather: I was in denial for many many months. I felt I was lying the people who had most supported me, the readers. We are not going to judge you for it. I have to tell them and in that, finally admitting it to myself. Then the email – you will have your children taking away from you. 1%. 99% - we are going to be here when you get back. It is ok to feel what you are feeling. I would never recommend post partum depression, but the experience of sharing it was one of the most rewarding

Ronni Bennett: I use little personal vignettes that speak to a larger issue I am writing about. Do I really want to admit that? People come back and say I feel that too. Share similar stories. Have permission to share as well. The mom series, about the last months of caring for mother. Every day something else that goes wrong and no one could tell you about it. I was in tears over the email I got. People who were never able to talk about this with others. How to anticipate this. Others not as lucky as I to do what I was able to do. People poured out their amazing stories. When we admit something difficult it gives others permission to do the same. It is always good.

Jory: People wondering about taking that next step. In fact it’s the best thing you ever did.

Koan: I’ve never regretted doing it. I thought I would. Expected to get flamed, stalked, beaten up and it hasn’t happened. It hasn’t happened and I kind of worried about it. Maybe I’m not doing it well enough. About 5 years ago, why I’m glad I decided to blog naked, 5 years ago I was so close to death with my state of depression and not dealing with my issues. It still might have happened through writing before blogging. Although I can count on a hand the number of people who have left feedback on crossover, I have 780 emails who don’t want to go on the record publicly, how much impact I’ve had. Find it hard to believe, but am not going to call those people liars. It has helped others and me in just the same way.

Audience: My biggest fear is having my child taken away from me. This happened. A husband tried to use a woman’s blog to win custody.

Ronni Bennett: I have limits of who or what I say on the blog. Not many family. There is a blogger I won’t name with a wonderful blog, only used initials of family and friends. Someone in family found out and she had unending grief. So she started a private blog for some of us. She still wanted to talk about the things, and general points. But shoved it all to a password protected blog.

Mena: LiveJournal has privacy options and we felt that was important. I suffer from this too. Before the company I had my own blog. It was really fun until I started to get more and more readers. Ones who did not understand my sense of humor and they sent me more and more email. I wrote this stupid post about a banjo. Someone wrote “how much beer does he drink.” They don’t know who I am. I hated that sort of feeling. Really sad that I can’t write anymore. I’m in an odd position because of the company. Everything is read into the company. I took a vacation last week, oh she’s on vacation, spending that MT3 money. Be careful for what you ask for and e happy with the readers you have.

Audience: I don’t really like people I know. The readers are one thing, that’s find. I don’t like people I know to find about my blog.

Ronni Bennett: I wish my friends would read the blog

Koan: When you write a post, think of the worst person in the world to read a post. If you would regret it, don’t post it. I don’t tell everything about my life as it puts others in my life at risk. I will choose what truth to tell. Most of my friends don’t read it. They have heard it all before.

Jory: I had to clean up my relationships once I started blogging. Once I cleared them up, made intentions clear, it was ok

Ronni Bennett: You don’t have to let that get in the way of a good story. I change the name. I make uip a new name and tell the story. No one has ever called me on it.

Susan: I have a question about stalkers. One blogger was writing about her sexual life and her search for a mate. Someone who knew her would stalk her on her blog and really distressed her. I had a troll on my professional blog. How do you handle that?

Heather: I have a six foot 3 husband who is extremely protective. The address on my website is a PO box away from my house. You are going to see a UPS man if you come to see me. Hundreds and hundreds of emails from an individual stalker. Contact them and politely and ask them to stop writing, and then their ISP. When we say “my legal team” they usually stop writing me.

Koan: I give an indication, non specific, to where I live. You can see who is blogging nearby. The longitude and latitude is as near as I can tell a drain. It gives the general idea but does not actually give it away. If someone is going to stalk me, they might do that if I wasn’t blogging. If they are going to threaten to reveal something that could hurt me, I have already done that so no one else could do that for me. The fear of things getting out was killing my friends. “We know you are transgendered” – well so does everyone else.

Ronni Bennett: You should not publish photos of your children, put your address out there. I live in Greenwich Village. You can figure it out. Put who is going to stalk a grandmother.

Categories: blogher, bloghercon, identityblogging