Category: culture of love

Hapiness Passing Thingies

—-> Ed Mitchell: Platform neutral » Blog Archive » Happiness located in Bristol – Alas

I’m dredging old blog drafts again. This is a dead link. But dang, I loved the title so much, I decided it would have to be reborn as a blog post. A blog search turned up nothing. So I’m going to adopt “happiness passing thingies” and bring it back to life.

In our pandemic context, there is so much trauma, most of which we can’t perceive beyond our own personal experience. As we start a video meeting, we don’t see each person’s undercurrents. 

On Facebook today, the marvelous human being and author Patti Digh wondered out loud about how to honor the amazing staff and volunteers at her local vaccination site.  You can’t bring presents, food or flowers — health protocols forbid. One person said she was going to dress up in green and sparkles because here appointment was on March 17, to share some silly joy. Many other suggested kind words and “eye smiles.” (Those masks!)

Then I thought back to this draft. Happiness Passing Thingies. They are everywhere. They are in words, eye-smiles, the pause to step aside for a safe six foot pass while conveying warmth and community through eye contact. 

They are in the unexpected moments of grace, of recognition, gratitude and gifts. My walking partner shared how she gave one of her amazing staff people an unexpected day off to enjoy the Spring weather we so crave here in the PNW as a recognition of his above-and-beyond work. 

MORE HAPPINESS PASSING THINGIES! And Thanks, Ed!

MOIP #9: What I’ve Learned This Spring

Working from home… in the bedroom version!

I wrote this short article for our Liberating Structures extended network of practice. I thought it might be useful here too!

The last few months have been rich with lessons for our amazing global network of LS practitioners, and all the sub-communities it holds. Here are my lessons that have been surfacing:

  1. Creative destruction RULES. DEConstruct before trying to REConstruct offline events into the online space. TRIZ is our friend!
  2. The six knotworking questions are SUPER useful at this moment in time for developing flexible, emergent plans. 
  3. Critical Uncertainties was MADE for this time!
  4. This is an oldy, but a goody: slow down to go fast. While we can dance with abandon at the novelty as we move and reframe different Liberating Structures online, we must also hold space for people to move forward together when the moment calls. This translates to fewer structures piled into an online meeting, holding generosity to extend our practiced F2F timings and keeping technical options at the min specs, vs max specs. (Purpose to Practice is helpful here!)
  5. Ask for help. Ask specifically and offer your first ideas. This way people are more likely to respond and respond generously. As our Slack community grows and grows, we want each person to find and offer value. So ask as specifically as you can. Show you have done a little thinking already…
  6. Offer help! The connections we create through these asks and offers weaves our network.

There is a LOT more… right now I’m processing what I’ve learned through three series of rather intense online events, thinking about time, space, embodiment, humane-ness and all sorts of good stuff. So more to come. But if I wait to “finish” this, I will never finish this!!

What have you been learning?

MOIP #6: Get and Give Help Online With Liberating Structures

I’m shortening the title… Moving Online in Pandemic is now #MOIP! This is 6th in a series of posts about the tidal wave of moving online in the time of Covid-19. #1, #2, #3,  #4  and #5. Slides for the event mentioned here. And chat...

I do get enthusiastic… and then things go fast and other things fall behind. VERY SLOW. How is it that March 21 can seem so far away? How is it I started drafting this on March 31 and now it is April 13th???

Our Liberating Structures community has done so many experiments, moved the practice of using Liberating Structures online SO FAR, SO FAST, that time is playing tricks on me. I’m trying to circle back and at least share artifacts and a few reflections, if not a fuller description of what happened, what that means and what is next.

Here goes a super hurried drafty effort for our gathering 3/21/2020 to explore how to use Liberating Structures online to give and get help. The purpose of the gathering was to engage people in experiencing how even strangers can give and get help, we can do it online, and we can do it humanely. Slides and built in-created-in-the-moment harvest/notes here: https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1SPIaIjyu2_6bf0AIU1KZJJ_eqcB9-plERZQq79CTjLk/edit?usp=sharing

The slides lay out all the process should you want to try this. The What? So What? Now What? harvest slides #19-24 are totally worth reading through. I am still trying to process it all, but if I wait for that, this blog post will NEVER get posted!

What? So What? Now What? Small group harvests

I’m going to use What? So What? Now What? as my own reflective structure. Feel free to amplify in the comments!!!

What Happened?

  • We mobilized a volunteer team from the Liberating Structures community to facilitate, tech host (manage all the zoom breakout rooms), harvest key insights, and generally help people as needed. Those with Zoom experience renamed themselves with a * in front of their names so people could private message those folks for help.
  • We set up a set of slides with instructions for each LS we planned to do, along with some “punctuation” in between. In LS language, punctuations are little connective tissues pieces between LSs themselves.
  • We had a very large group… I think it peaked at 68 but I lost track. My sense was it was diverse – familiar folks, new folks, folks experienced with LS and some brand new, some tech familiar, some not.
  • We all were getting a little frazzled with all the Zoom events, so our punctuations all focused on taking a breath, being in our bodies, even as we were connected electronically. We used “Just Three Words” to get settled and present. (For more on Just Three Words see https://fullcirc.com/2014/03/04/faciliplay-play-as-an-online-facilitation-technique/)
  • To identify WHAT we wanted to get help on, we used 15% Solutions.
  • I rolled out 15% pretty awkwardly and confused a number of people.
  • We did Troika Consulting in breakouts of 3 people.
  • We debriefed with What? So What? Now What? in groups of six people (two troikas joined up).
  • People captured their WWW in the slide deck, one slide per group.
  • We informally said goodbye and some stayed on for a longer, informal debrief.
  • We did NOT record – we decided less recording was a little freer, more intimate.
  • We DID capture the chat notes to share.

So What? What meaning to we make of it?

  • No matter who shows up in your triad, there is always something of value they bring. It astonishes people, yet it is real.
  • Don’t do this alone. If I had not had my friends as my team, this would have been a mess, particularly since it was a large and heterogeneous group in every sense of the word.
  • Breathe. Breathe. As we paused, slowed down, we could go more deeply and thoughtfully. The stress of the initial response to moving things online in Covid19 time has amped many of us up, winding our clocks a little too tight???
  • Small groups/breakouts are essential to scale large groups, creating both a broader shared experience AND deeper interpersonal connection and intimacy.
  • Clear instructions, Nancy, CLEAR instructions. Will I never learn?
  • WWW in small groups seemed to work well – with a little confusiasm. It needed more than 6 minutes of breakout time.
  • Tech note: need to figure more graceful ways of dealing with the “two user” problem when someone is on video through their computer and audio through a phone. Zoom treats them as separate users and when you automatically do breakout rooms, they often end up in two places and the video is a “ghost.”
  • Time, time, time. I wrestle with that wicked question of “how is it that time constraints make us sharper and we need more time.” (Or is it simply right now we crave more time in the smaller conversations?”

Now What? What is the next step?

  • I’m working on a series of online “peer assists” for a client in the natural resources sector and I want to encourage them to do Troika Consulting. There is an inclination towards wanting consultation from wider sets of stakeholders, or focused “experts.” What happens when we resist those inclinations and simply turn to each other?
  • How can people quickly find and convene Troika Consultations in these crazy days? What can function as matchmaking/matchmaker?

Moving Online in Pandemic: Preamble

EDITED: To include more on differentiation/integration. I had the terms all wrong. Go figure! And to add a link to a group for online facilitators considering how to support the rapid move to online meetings. Join here.

I am going to share a series of blog posts over the next days about how to move your group interactions online. For me, however, there is some starting context, a preamble, if you may. Skip this if you want to get right to the point. Come back to it later if you wish. However, if you are feeling fear, confusion, frustration, stop and take a minute with me to breathe and reflect.

Here we go…

The emails have been flying, phone and Zoom conversations everywhere asking “how do we move this meeting, event, workshop, whatever online in response to the novel Corona virus outbreak?” With each conversation, observing intense online conversations, I keep asking myself, what can I contribute? As an early student, teacher and writer on online facilitation, I sense I can be of use. What should I do?

In typical Nancy fasion I jumped into action, started up an email list, opened a Google Doc to share resources, responded to individual requests for help. Boing, boom, zip, zap!

But it felt like I was missing something fundamental. All that disconnected response. As I look back, three moments helped solidify my focus.

The first was in a conversation with Neil McCarthy on Thursday. We were swapping our group process design principles and heuristics. Everyone was asking “how do I move this meeting online?”

Neil shared his understanding about the need for holding space for people to be individuals (Jungian “Individuation“), to be heard, to be different, and holding space for people to find common ground and move forward. His pragmatic example of HOW is the power of letting people first talk in pairs to establish their own thinking, perspective and even identity BEFORE trying to work towards group movement forward or even cohesion. This is why both of us really find utility in Liberating Structures, particularly the foundation pattern of 1-2-4-All (in any variation – 1-2, 1-3-all, etc.)

EDIT: I got a bit more information from Neil. He shared that it is differentiation/integration theory. “I got the phrase from Marv Weisbord and Sandra Janoff book “Don’t Just Do Something, Stand There“. A great book for “leading meetings that matter.” It also shows up in Dialogic Organization Development, edited by Bushe and Marshak, but they don’t call it D/I theory. Peter Block in his book Community: the structure of belonging, uses phrases like “If I cant say no then my yes doesn’t mean anything.” These are all referencing the same concept. ” THANKS, Neil!

In many online meetings there is this fundamentally flawed assumption that we can automagically do everything together at the same time. Neil’s very clear articulation helped me suggest a pattern for online design that might easily shared. It was a systems insight at a pretty find grained level.

A second shimmer of insight at the much broader systems level arrived at the end of 90 minutes online Zoom gathering with more than 100 people from the EU wrestling with how to move so many meetings online. After the formal end, some of us stuck around to debrief. I summarized by saying “Don’t just look at your technology choices. Pay attention to what is shifting. Use something like the Ecocycle to get a sense of what is happening at a systems level. It might help you discern useful first steps and set a direction forward.” Something resonated, even as I was forming my understanding while thinking. (Thank you brain, for working even when I’m not really trying!) You will see the Ecocyle in action in the next post of this series!

Finally, I woke up early early this morning and read the day’s meditation response shared by a friend (Thank You Rachel!), “The Law of Least Effort.” Here is a snippet (I’m working on the source and will edit it in once I’ve secured it.)

“When your actions are motivated by love, your energy is multiplied and accumulated. Release of this energy allows you to redirect it towards the creation of everything that you want. When your spirit is your inner point of reference, all of the immense power of the Universe is at your disposal. You can then use this energy creatively, moving toward abundance and evolution.”

Abundance. Love. Evolution.

Balance that message with all of the fear, partisanship and rancor that flows over us from the media. Some of it alerts us to act. Some of it cripples us. Then, all of a sudden it hit me. Go back to the fundamental principles shared by Donella Meadows in her seminal work, Leverage Points: Places to intervene in a system. She so elegantly called this “dancing with the system.” I want to share one image from http://donellameadows.org/a-visual-approach-to-leverage-points/ that brings some of this playful approach to deadly serious issues.

The point? Start by stopping, looking, stepping back, look closer, step back, further back, look closer, closer, ready? FIX IT. These are the PRACTICES that allows us to dance with systems, to use the 12 leverage points Meadows so lovingly discovered, crafted and shared.

So if you, like me, sense a call, an invitation to to do something, but are feeling overwhelmed, consider the meditation. Consider Donella Meadows insights and then situate yourself in the place where you can contribute, from the micro to the macro. Join with me or some other person. (Don’t do this alone…)

The invitation calling me is “How can we stay connected to each other in any way in a time of social distancing?” The pragmatic manifestation of that will be to think with fellow practitioners, share practices, insights, ideas and inspirations on how groups can productively meet, engage, connect and then experiment and iterate to make progress online in a way that builds on our strengths and helps us move past fear into abundant action.

Please join me. Part 2 will be up within 24 hours.

Empathy Flowing in Many Directions

A friend shared a New York Times opinion piece by Kaitlyn Greenidge yesterday that really planted a seed in my brain. First of all, read the piece. Especially if you are a white woman, as am I. It is a tangible, down to earth example to help us understand white privilege. And that is work I am/need to be doing continually. It is an ever changing path; a rocky shoreline.

So when we as black girls read most books, we have to will ourselves into the bodies on the page, with a selectivity and an internal edit that white readers of the same canon do not necessarily have to exercise.

“So what?” one might think. Isn’t reading fiction an exercise in empathy?

But empathy for whom, and for what higher purpose, always complicates this supposedly benevolent action. Is empathy really empathy if it’s generally asked to flow in only one direction? Under those circumstances, empathy looks less like identifying with the other and more like emotional hegemony. – by Kaitlyn Greenidge, NYTimes, 1/13/2020.

The quote I pulled above was useful for me today both professionally and personally. As a group process geek in my work, I’ve always sought to cultivate empathy in any group. Ms. Greenidge helped me see that empathy might also be oppression. Is it right to claim empathy with another when we clearly don’t understand, see or acknowledge their world view and experience?

Though it’s examination of the Greta Gerwig movie version of Louisa May Alcott’s “Little Women” as viewed by women of color, Ms. Greenidge helps me raise some new questions for myself when working with people coming from different contexts.

When designing and facilitating group process, how are we discovering and staying conscious of our filters that may, if left unchecked, render even empathy as a deficit because it is “emotional hegemony?” Here are three starting points for me today.

  1. What values, myths or traditions of my own am I consciously or unconsciously calling on to frame group process?
  2. How am I broadening the range of values, myths and traditions I include to reflect the seen and potentially unseen contexts of people in the group?
  3. How does my language reflect my unconscious frames (and thus biases) and who can I call upon to help me by listening to my patterns and challenge them. Ideally, not asking a person of color to do this. This is not their job!

What recommendations do you have so that when we utilize our empathy, we are not inadvertently rendering it as a weapon? How do we find our path?